Dedication of the mindless (that's me)

Why is it important to rededicate ourselves? Why is it essential that we remind ourselves daily of why we do the things that we do. Many things and many people, without knowing it, have been speaking to my heart lately. As I often do when I have a clear vision of what God has called me to do, I leave Him behind for a little while. I did that recently, while still saying “In Jesus name” in the meantime. It is so difficult to procure the raw from yourself, getting down to what you truly believe in, when all you want for people to see is your good side.

I have many strong convictions about faith and how I am called to live. Yet, in the moments of thrilling epiphanies and clear headed concoctions, God somehow loses his place as governor supreme in my personal hierarchy. I find myself wondering how I can please people and not God. Then I realize that I am displaying selfishness along the way. So many times I try to appear caring, but in the end the numero uno has always been me.

My broken reality is not so much in my beliefs or my faith, but in the ways that I am choosing to know Jesus more. It seems they are outweighed by the instances I am gaining insight on the world. I wish that I could take a magic wand and displace my fears about fully following Christ. I also hope that at some point I will be able to disapparate the wall between myself and others. That I will be able to see and know people, without disdain, without judgment, and with tangible love.

I know now that too often I let pride get in the way of me showing myself to others. I let self-awareness cripple me into being perceived as a person I am not. A person who really doesn’t care to much and is wrapped up in life’s happenstances. It is a walk and struggle that is life. I was perusing television the other day when I heard Michael Cain utter one line- "Easy doesn't enter into adult life." And it doesn't. We have to be responsible. It is our choice to be who we want to be. And at the end, if we turned around, would be really be happy to see posessions and an individualism we can't take with us. We may breathe alone, be born alone, and die alone, but it is and always will be wrapped up in this gift of life we have recieved. Whether you believe in God or not, this relationship with God (or life if you will), that is completely unrelentlessly tied in relationships...think of the moon and the sun and the stars, gravity and motion, men and women, nature and technology. Everything is being effected and affecting at once. It is all relational, and it is all our choice. Life can be an individual. But living, that is a different story.



I am steady, I do not blow with the wind or topple over at a shove. I desire preparedness, for whatever needs may be placed in my path, whatever people walk by me.

The blessings that people have given me, the prayers that have been prayed over me, and the immense love I have received are more than enough. I am giving back. That phone call, letting you know your presence is missed, that student that says thank you and wants to talk, I am so undeserving because some days I forget to remind myself, I forget to love and why I am loving, and I simply miss out.

“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, Oh Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.” Psalm 19:4